Relay team keeps woman’s memory alive

Published 10:31 am Thursday, October 2, 2008

When the playground project at Opstad Elementary first began to develop a few years ago, project manager Caroline Loudenback wanted student input, so she asked the Opstad teachers to ask their students what they liked to do at recess.

Most of the teachers diligently reported back to Loudenback with the results; first-grade teacher Carolyn Lavallee took it one step further, Loudenback recalled.

“She also used it as a learning experience,” she said.

Along with Carolyn’s student input, she had included a packet of drawings from her class that represented what they wanted to do during recess.

“It stood out,” said Loudenback, who did not know Carolyn very well, but said she was “one of those special teachers that can just kind of create great learning activities on the fly or use any situation or opportunity.”

The drawings ended up being used as decoration during a student summit.

Around the Valley, Carolyn, a California native, was known for her generosity of spirit, inquisitive nature, dedication to teaching and her love.

“It was wonderful working with her; she was always so positive,” said friend and fellow first-grade Opstad teacher Tammy Williams, who worked closely with Carolyn and would often take walks with her after school. “She just had this sparkle about her and you would just smile.”

When Carolyn was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in May 2004, she promised she would fight it all the way.

“She was going through a lot of tests, running to the doctor … they told her over the phone while she was at work,” Williams recalled. “[When she told me], she did it matter of factly … She was so positive, saying ‘Don’t be worried.’ The whole way through it, she fought. She was bound and determined that she was going to come back to teach with me.”

They said their final goodbyes five days before she passed away, telling each other that they would see each other again.

[when she died],” Williams said. “That Monday, her husband gave me a bracelet [from Carolyn]. I still wear it every day.”

Carolyn survived the often terminal illness for 18 months, more than double the average lifespan of those diagnosed with the hard-to-treat disease that’s often called the “silent cancer.”

She passed away Oct. 27, 2005. She was 52.

“What I miss the most about Carolyn; I miss her love,” said her husband Russ Lavallee, 52, who was at her bedside in the North Bend home they have shared since 1987 with their two adult daughters, Sarah and Kristen, when she died. “I think what drew people to her is that she had unconditional love, [and was] very warm, caring … she made an impact on every person she came in contact with.”

“It was a difficult time for all of us,” said Opstad principal John Jester, who hired her about 10 years ago to teach kindergarten and kept her job as a frist-grade teacher open after she was no longer able to work, filling the school days with a substitute in the hopes she would be able to return. “We’re all still grieving for her.”

The school had a dedication ceremony for her, planting a large sequoia tree from California in the yard by her classroom, room No. 9.

“We wanted a giant tree to honor her giant spirit,” Jester said.

After Carolyn died last year, Lavallee decided he needed to do something to honor her and her battle.

“It’s a very elusive cancer, but by raising money and raising awareness, I am hoping it will help others,” Lavallee said. “The more you release, the more healing, I think.”

He decided to captain a team for the American Cancer Society’s national annual Relay for Life being held locally at Mount Si High School, 8651 Meadowbrook Way S.E., on May 20-21.

“I think this is one of many things I can do for her to honor her,” said Lavallee, who had not heard of Relay for Life prior. “I know she would be proud that her family is doing this.”

Sarah and Kristen are walking with their father at the event.

“I have lots of memories of us doing stuff together, but when I look at our lives now, it looks like a moment,” Lavallee said.

People diagnosed with pancreatic cancer often have a poor prognosis because there are few detectable symptoms early on, which often leads to a metastic disease once diagnosed. It ranks as the fourth leading cause of cancer death in the United States, according to the National Cancer Institute. Rarely curable, it has an overall survival rate of about 4 percent.

In the spring of 2004, Carolyn went to the doctor to see if she had acid reflux or a problem with her gallbladder.

Her pancreatic cancer had already metastasized by the time she was diagnosed.

On the day that he and Carolyn found out that she might have something serious, they were at the doctor’s office. Lavallee said he was waiting for her to return from a MRI.

Lavallee said, “This nurse ran out calling, ‘Mrs. Lavallee, we want to do a CAT scan. We think we see something.’ We were told she needed to go see an oncology doctor right away.”

Metastasized cancer in the pancreas basically means that there are little beads of cancer everywhere. They tried to do an operation and it was very difficult because of the metastasized state, so she also underwent chemotherapy, Lavallee explained. Otherwise, there was nothing she could do.

“The two biggest gifts that God gave her [were that] she was a great teacher and her capacity for love,” Lavallee said. “She had lots of dreams … She wanted a bigger house for the grandchildren, she wanted to travel … For 18 months she never got a break, that was the hard thing.”

Noting their shared deep faith in God, Lavallee said that what has gotten him through the time since his wife’s death has been talking about Carolyn with friends and family.

“I like to talk about Carolyn,” he said. “You always say that you have time to prepare … I just have to have a lot of inner strength and I try to be strong for my girls and keep moving their lives forward.”

Meeting in the 1970s while Carolyn visited a friend in New Hampshire who was also Lavallee’s sister, Lavallee said it was not love at first sight.

“I was almost engaged to another girl,” he said, noting that he and Carolyn ended up spending so much time together that summer that he had to make a choice. “I went where my heart was leading me and I have never regretted that.”

They married in 1976, moving to California shortly thereafter. He worked for a large corporation while she chose to stay at home with their children. Transferring to Washington in 1979, the family moved to Snoqualmie in 1987. Lavallee resigned from his corporate position in 1990 to start his own company and now does custom construction, remodels and additions.

“She’s such a great person,” Williams said, noting that she will participate in the Relay for Life, although she had a prior obligation to be a part of another team. “I’m sure everyone has said that. And [Lavallee] has been amazing through all of this.”

Committed to honoring Carolyn’s memory, Lavallee also said that the Relay for Life will draw awareness to others about pancreatic cancer and provide support and funding.

“My life is so different [now] than in May 2004,” Lavallee said. “That’s the thing about unconditional love – you work through those hard times … I never realized how deep a relationship could be.”

Tending to his involvement with Relay for Life, his booming business and adjusting to life without Carolyn, Lavallee even managed to joke with his children that he may take up dating in the future. He has taken up kayaking and has standing invitations to visit friends and family all over the country.

“Thirty years later, I find myself starting all over again,” he said. “But I’m still the same. I can’t replace her. It’s weird in a sense because I’m slowly changing the house because you think they just went away for a little while, not that they are gone.

“I just have to take it one step at a time,” Lavallee said. “Just in doing it, I’m honoring her. My life is moving forward, but it doesn’t mean that I will ever forget her … I think