This time of year it is tradition for all of the local news stations to send
a crew to SeaTac airport. The big story they all want is how a whole lot
of people travel on airplanes this time of year. What a surprise! The airport
is busy. I have been to SeaTac during the holidays and it is nothing
compared shopping at Costco during the holiday season. Any imbecile can
navigate SeaTac, even during the holidays, but when it comes to shopping at
Costco, only the strong survive.
It takes experience to successfully shop at any warehouse store. The
experienced Costco shopper knows the best strategy is to get there early.
Any time after 10 a.m. and you can sell a parking spot for $50 cash. Easily.
The little-known fact is that most Costcos open a half hour before their
official opening time. They all close on the dot. Getting there is only the start.
Maneuvering the parking lot is a skill all its own. Remember,
never stop. Always keep moving. If you are one of those people who try to
wait for someone to unload their cart so you can get their spot remember this:
THIS IS COSTCO. THEY HAVE OVER $1,000 OF STUFF IN THAT
CART AND IT WILL TAKE AN HOUR FOR THEM TO PACK IT
INTO THEIR ITTY-BITTY HONDA! SO GET MOVING!
I know there are a lot of people who pride themselves on their
ability to park really close to the door. They are the same people who cannot
wait to be disabled just to get the parking permit. I have news for you all,
you have wasted more time waiting for spots and blocking the whole
parking lot than it would take to park farther out and walk. Waiting is a clot in
an artery. Consider yourself plaque. But I digress …
On the Eastside – and especially at the Issaquah Costco – you are in
the territory of the really big SUV. The idea to manufacture incredibly
huge cars started in a Costco parking lot. Soccer moms who shop at Costco
account for 80% of really huge SUV sales. Remember, you are an
intruder in their territory. I drive a Subaru and feel like a rabbit in an elephant
preserve. I try not to startle the herd.
Once safely parked, proceed to the entry. It is like entering the gates
to heaven … only instead of Saint Peter you have an employee who
closely resembles those homeless guys who wash windshields, what with his
rag to dry the carts and all.
A word of caution: Do not get a flatbed cart unless you know how
to use it. They should have a special license for those things. They
are deadly. There is not one experienced Costco shopper who has not
been taken down by some rookie who doesn’t understand that a fully
loaded flatbed cart has a stopping distance of roughly half a football field.
Once in through the doors the pack-mentality takes over. There is
no other explanation for why people go nuts in Costco. Normal,
rational people will all of a sudden start tearing clothing and hair to get a gallon
of sundried tomato, balsamic vinegar and basil and garlic marinade in their
cart. Costco does that to people. I won’t even go into people’s behavior by
the free sample stations. There is just one word: shameless.
Another word of caution: Never take your husband shopping at
Costco. If you do, be prepared to spend at least an hour, trying to convince him
that he really does not need to spend
twelve hundred dollars on a compressor when he already harpoons himself trying
to hang a picture on the wall with a “manual” hammer.
I consider any trip to Costco successful if I keep my bill under
$500 and I leave with the same number of kids I came with. They don’t even
have to be the same kids, just the same number of them. An even swap. I
celebrate my victory over a successful Costco trip the same way every time. I
order a pizza for dinner. Just because I spent $500 doesn’t mean I have anything
for dinner. That is what grocery stores are for.
Kate Russell lives between
Carnation and Duvall. You can reach her at Katemo1@msn.com
