HELP! I am in danger. I have made a promise that I think will kill me

and everything I love. I committed to driving to Tennessee. In a motor

home. With my husband and two kids. I must have been drunk.

This trip will take at least three weeks. It is too many miles to

count. It will take at least ten, ten-hour days of driving with my ever-lovin’

husband and two precious angels. I am sure we will all be ready to kill

each other by the third day, let alone the third week. All this to see Dollywood?

I do not even want to spend three weeks with Tom Cruise in a

motor home, let alone my own family. Don’t get my wrong; I love them. The

reason we love each other is that we do not spend every blessed minute

together, in a very small space. That is not love; that is punishment.

I have never driven farther than Idaho … I don’t even know if the

Midwest exists. Many people believe the best way to see the Midwest is

from an airplane, at 35,000 feet. I am betting my sanity that they are wrong.

I just do not have any experience in this kind of thing. Is it an adventure? Is

it a mistake? How do you cope? You tell me.

Have you ever participated on a hair-brained scheme like this and

lived to tell about it? What do I need to survive? I know I need ear plugs …

but what else? How do you keep my two little darlings occupied and not

constantly fighting? I understand you cannot tranquilize them like the dog,

but what are my alternatives?

As long as I will be seeing America, what is worth seeing?

Where is the “world’s largest ball of

string” anyway? Is it worth a side trip? Any camping grounds or parks that

are worth a stop? Focusing on natural wonders keeps my mind from

wandering to thoughts of self-destruction. I am counting on you

“experienced travelers” out there to guide me in

my misbegotten quest.

All tips, guesses and outright lies can be sent to me

at Katemo1@msn.com. I have no experience with this. Therefore, this

is your chance to impart your wisdom upon me. If wisdom fails you, this

is your chance to send me on a wild goose chase. I have a feeling with

my navigation skills we will be doing a lot of wild goose chasing. In a

motor home. With my kids. Oh what was I thinking?

Kate Russell lives in between Carnation and Duvall. You

can reach her at Katemo1@msn.com.