Parents: the most important teen influence
Published 4:33 pm Thursday, October 2, 2008
You can’t pick your daughter’s friends, nor should you try, but that doesn’t mean you should toss in the parental towel the minute she becomes a teenager.
Studies show that parents are the most important influence in their children’s lives, even at an age when peers take center stage.
Parents have a big influence over the choices their children make, and that includes their choice of friends, says Debbi Halela, director of general counseling at Youth Eastside Services (YES).
The more parents know about their children’s peers and share in their children’s interests and activities, the better they will be able to guide them toward healthy friendships, Halela said.
That’s good news because research shows that young people who hang out with friends who smoke, drink alcohol and use drugs are more likely to use drugs themselves.
Halela offers the following tips for parents:
* Be a good role model. Talk to your children about your own friendships.
* Ask open-ended questions about your child’s friends and activities: “What was the best part of the game?” “How was the dance?”
* Get to know the other parents and share rules and expectations regarding curfews, entertainment and other issues.
* Get your child involved in groups and activities that provide exposure to many potential friends.
* Avoid criticism and be generous with your praise and support. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to make good decisions.
* Provide a safe and nurturing home environment that welcomes your child’s friends and allows you to spend time around them.
* Talk to your child about what makes a good friend, but don’t try to forbid or pressure him toward a particular friendship. That tactic is likely to backfire.
* Keep the lines of communication open. By talking together regularly and not being judgmental, the likelihood that your child will come to you with concerns and questions increases.
Formed in 1968, YES helps more than 36,000 youth and family members each year with counseling, outreach and prevention programs that address a myriad of issues, including emotional distress, substance abuse, sexual abuse, gang activity and violence.
For more information, go to www.youtheastsideservices.org.
McGaffin is a spokesperson for Youth Eastside Services.
