Be afraid, very afraid - ov voters pamphlet

I just received my voter's pamphlet and read it to become informed on the candidates and issues. It was scary. Did anyone else notice an abundance of wacky candidates for senator?

Their statements included the following sentences: "It is as if our leaders have not been educated in orbital space colonization," "You continue to fight the sand storm with nothing more than a leaf blower," "Do you believe that this nation (or any nation) can long endure half pro-Communist and half pro-American?" and "Clearly, Congress legislated 59 Lincoln cents to 01 person, then 31 Lincoln cents to 4 people."

I think that we can "de-fund" all the expensive scientific studies at this point and recognize one fact - our educational and mental health systems are failing miserably.

I was hoping to see some candidates with some other platforms, such as: "Compost for all," "My fillings pick up alien transmissions" and the ever popular "Let's farm jellyfish," but again was disappointed. Consequently, I decided to throw my hat in the ring for the write-in vote. My platform? "Why will a candidate spend 10 times their potential salary to be elected to office? Elect me and I'll find out and report back."

Write in Dave Eiffert on Sept. 19.

Dave Eiffert


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